remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
