I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
