I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
