i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
