im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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