Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
