The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
