no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
