Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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