just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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