Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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