My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
