My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
