Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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