I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
