What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
