when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
