if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
