Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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