I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
