So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
