lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
