i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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