I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
