Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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