He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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