You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
