The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
