Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
