:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
