My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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