so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
