I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
