So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
