I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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