why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
