It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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