3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
