Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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