My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
