thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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