I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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