just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
