I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His hands were made for my vagina.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
