No stitches, just platelets and will power
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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