I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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