how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
