not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
