i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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