You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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