You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
